Wisdom In The Face of Pain

Colossians 3:16 KJV
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

I was able to visit my Papaw last week, just me and him.  During our visit I realized what an amazing life he has lived and how very little I know about it.  I realized that there is so much more to him than what I've known in my 27 years.  And I saw the toll the last few months have taken on him.  My Papaw is a hard working, rough around the edges, kind of man, who is extremely intelligent and a wealth of knowledge.  He is not the type to throw the word LOVE around loosely.  Usually when you tell him you love him, he'll ask you why.  That's just his way.  So if he does tell you he loves you too, you know he means it, you know it's from his heart.  The man I've come to know in the last few months, as he watched his wife of 54 years fade away in front of his eyes, is not the shell of the man that he used to be, as one might expect.  He is a man full of tenderness and love, wisdom and grace from the Lord.

How can a man who I've rarely heard speak of love, know so much about it, be able to show it so uninhibitedly? He has wisdom and grace from the Lord.  Only a man who knows Christ Jesus so intimately can care for his life long love so tenderly, instead of crying out bitterly to God asking why it had to be her.  I watched him hold my Mamaw's hand, wipe her fevered brow, blow kisses to her from across the room and comfort her when she was scared.  In her very last weeks my Mamaw did not even know her own children, much less her grandchildren, but she knew Honey.  If my Papaw got out of her sight, she immediately began to try to search him out.  She could barely move, barely speak, but somehow she'd form the word, Honey.  I saw the essence of 54 years of marriage and love before my very eyes.  He sat by her side, day in and day out.  There were times in the months leading up to the end when the dementia had not completely claimed her mind, when she couldn't always remember who Papaw was but he did not lose heart. Instead he became the man who would read to her, that's how she knew him.  Her mind wouldn't allow her to keep up with a novel, she would forget the storyline from one day to the next, so Papaw would read her the Bible.  Chapters and chapters at a time.  He told me they'd read it completely through during those months. It is amazing to me what grace can do.  She could not grasp anything else, but when he was reading the Bible and would come to an end for the day, she'd ask for more. Oh the joy to know that even if her mind didn't comprehend all of the words, her heart did.

He did what I have not been able to do during so many difficult times in my life.  He used such a time of suffering to draw even closer to the Lord.  And whether my Papaw knows it or not the Lord used him to teach me how to sing to the Lord with grace in my heart. How could I be bitter at the Lord for letting my Mamaw suffer with dementia when I saw it round those hard edges in Papaw away, when I saw it soften him and draw him closer to his family and to the Lord.  I must sing His praises with all the love and grace in my heart because not only do I know that my Mamaw is with Him, I know that one day she'll have us there with her, worshiping our Savior together.

Papaw's wisdom about life, about our Lord, his wisdom in the face of pain has taught me to draw nigh to the Lord, to praise Him when it hurts the most, and that even if we don't tell those around us that we love them, to show it in every way, every day.    

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.

And Grace, my fears relieved.

How precious did that Grace appear

The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come;

'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far

and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,

I shall possess within the veil,

A life of joy and peace.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease;

I shall profess, within the vail,

A life of joy and peace.

When we've been there forever more

Bright shining as the sun.

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Than when we've first begun.