1 Thessalonians 2:19-20
19 For what [is] our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? [Are] not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?
20 For ye are our glory and joy.
This crown is given to those who faithfully and joyfully are witnesses to the saving grace of God and whose lives point men to Jesus.
Tonight as I sang him to sleep and he clutched his brand new toys, my heart was remembering and rejoicing. Remembering the aching emptiness it had once felt and rejoicing at the overwhelming fullness if feels now.
Oh that day felt like it would never come. Disappointment, sadness and heartbreak had paved the way for worry, sickness, and anxiety. 20 weeks of bedrest, blood pressure medicine, and endless tests, made for a long and difficult pregnancy. A grueling labor, failed epidurals, and a painful c-section all culminated in one of the most glorious moments of my life. Hearing Kieran cry for the first time, knowing that this time I would be leaving the hospital with a baby to raise instead of one to grieve, was a moment that gave clarity to everything I had endured up to that moment and one I'll never forget.
You see in that moment I loved my son with a fierceness that I couldn't quite comprehend. I had loved him while he was in my womb but up until that moment when he cried, he'd really only been a dream, a dream I had been waiting for so long to come true. But there he was and as I held him to my breast to nurse, as I cradled him throughout the night, as I meticulously charted his feedings and diaper changings, I began to understand all that I had endured. I understood that now, having had my dreams turn to nightmares before, that I would love him more deeply and protect him more mightily than I'd ever imagined possible. He needed me. And I needed Jesus.
There have been a lot of changes take place in our lives over the last 4 years, and though there have been hard times and sad times, my heart has been rejoicing at what the Lord did for us when Kieran was born. We had been living in sin, we were out of the will of God, and we were headed for disaster. But when I heard Kieran's first cries, the Lord made a change in my heart. If I hadn't been willing to turn back to Christ for myself, I was now responsible for someone else's soul. And in that instant my heart made a vow to my Savior that I would protect him with all I had in me and with all that He could give me.
It was just after Kieran's first birthday when we attended church for the first time as a family and it was amazing, near miraculous, that change that took place in our lives.
Now instead of living in the past and wallowing in our sin sick lives, we are rejoicing at what is to come. Now instead of focusing on the wickedness that this world has to offer, we are doing our best to point our children towards Jesus in our rejoicing, in our praise, in our love of Him. Now instead of working our way through a 6-pack, we are collecting Crowns by living Christ centered lives full of rejoicing. We are rejoicing in our hearts that the Lord will save Kieran's soul some sweet day just as He has saved ours, we are rejoicing in our hearts that the Lord is coming again for us one happy day, and we are rejoicing in our hearts that one wonderful day our family will be whole again in the presence of our Savior.
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We don’t know what the future holds, nor what the purpose of our past is until the Lord uses our story to bring glory and honor to His name. Be joyful in your life, you don’t know who is watching or what testimony you are leaving behind.
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