The Beatitudes: Blessed Are They That Mourn

Matthew 5:4 KJV

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

For they shall be comforted. 

Comfort was the last thing I wanted when my Lachlan died. Comfort felt like a slap in the face. No one knew what to say and what they did say, though well meaning, hit with a thud against my hardening heart. If I had been told that God had a purpose for everything one time, I had been told dozens. And not once was it comforting.

I wanted answers. I wanted to know why my baby had died. I wanted to know why it had happened again. I wanted to know why He would give him to me, just to tear him from my womb. Why let me hear his heartbeat, why let me feel those first fluttering movements, why? Why? Why! 

As the shock wore off, the anger began to set in. Anger and pain are a dangerous combination. Anger, pain, and hard liquor are a deadly combination.

In the month following Lachlan's death I crawled into the deepest abyss I could find. I functioned on auto pilot at work and with family and lied through my teeth about how I was. At night, I clutched his baby blanket and sobbed myself into the bottom of a bottle until I was oblivious. I couldn't remember the nightmares that way. 

One night, while I was home alone, I filled the bath with hot water, I lit vanilla scented candles, i turned on his lullaby, I took another drink. And as it burnt its way to my stomach, I put the razorblade to my wrist. 

I was at rock bottom. I had nothing. I had no one. Yet I was surrounded by people who loved me. They loved me but they didn't understand my grief. They couldn't. They hadn't loved him from the moment they knew he was only a possibility. They hadn't felt him move inside their wombs. They hadn't had to labor with him, to deliver him, knowing they'd never feel him grasp their fingers or feel his baby's breath against their neck as they rocked him to sleep. They hadn't had to sit with cold cabbage leaves against their breasts to ease the pain and tenderness of mother's milk coming in with no baby to nourish. My womb and my heart were empty and void. 

I'm not sure how long I sat there. The water turned cold. The candles burned out. But the lullaby still played.

Dragon tales and the "water is wide"

Pirate's sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moonbeams every night

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out

Superman's in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon, will find the mouse

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars

God bless dad and thanks for the stars

God hears "Amen," wherever we are

And I love you

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings

Godspeed

Godspeed

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

Suddenly as I sat there, the razor blade still clutched in my white knuckled hand, pressing into, but not quite cutting, my tender skin, I remembered another little boy I had sung that same lullaby to, my Logan. My bubbly, soft-hearted, 6 year old little brother who barely understood what had happened to the baby in my belly. My Logan, who my Lachlan had been named after, loved me with his whole heart. How could I leave him with a pain and a hole in his life that he couldn't comprehend? How could I leave him with the same grief and burden I carried with me every minute of every day?

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 

Logan had been a surprise for my parents. I was 16 when Logan was born and I had no idea that he would be the comfort God would send me in my most desperate hour. God really did have a purpose and a plan. He saw my need, my grief, my desperation long before I needed the comfort of Logan's love and He provided.

He still sees my needs, my grief and my desperation. He comforts me even now as I relive the memories. My comfort now is knowing that Lachlan and I will be reunited in Heaven at the feet of our Father one day. My comfort is in the 2 precious sons the Lord has blessed me with, in their laughter and love, in their giggles and tears, in their hugs and kisses. My comfort is knowing that Logan will meet his namesake one day. My comfort is knowing that I have been forgiven for the sins of my anger and grief. My comfort is knowing that I know The Comforter.

My comfort is Jesus.

The Beatitudes: Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit

Matthew 5:3KJV

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

As I read this scripture, my mind immediately associated poor with money. Money is the be all, end all in this earthly life it seems. I've never had much of it. And it seems like when I do have it, it goes as fast as it comes. But I am learning more and more every day that money is simply a tool. And whether you have it or not doesn't matter to the Lord. It's how you use it that He's concerned with. So applying this scripture in a monetary sense doesn't really make much sense. Surely the Lord isn't saying that only the poor in this world will have heaven as their kingdom? There are wealthy Christians, who love and honor the Lord, as much as the poor Christians. 

So I found myself searching the Strong's concordance for the definition of poor and it gave me what you'd expect it to: reduced to beggary, begging, asking alms, destitute of wealth, influence, position, honour. Well there I sat. Bumfuzzeled. 

"Lord what are you trying to tell me?" I found myself asking. 

And as I went about my day I had this scripture on my mind, trying to discern it's meaning. I thought about the times in my life when I've been poor, felt poor, looked poor. And I realized suddenly that my Jesus isn't talking about being monetarily poor but poor in spirit just as the scripture says. 

There have been times in my life when I have absolutely been reduced to beggary at the feet of my Savior. I have been so low, so poor in spirit and faith, that I've begged Him to help me. When I lost Lachlan  I was destitute of spiritual wealth, stricken with spiritual poverty. The influence that my faith had once held in me was gone. My Christian honour was nowhere to be found. And my position was the lowest of low. It took me years, years, to realize that instead of being rich in faith and Christian spirit, I was asking alms outside the gates of His love. 

But blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who recognize their need for God and His Grace. When we can see that we need a Savior, the He is the only answer in our lives, that it is through Him that we gain wealth of love, of spirit, of grace and of mercy, then the kingdom of heaven is ours. 

St. Therese of Lisieux said, "There is no joy like that known by the truly poor in spirit." Truth. Never have I known joy like when I found my way inside the gates. No longer was I begging alms outside them, Jesus had reached way down and picked me up and filled my spirit to overflowing.

And all I had to do was ask. 

When He Reached Down His Hand for Me

Once my soul was astray from the heavenly way 

I was wretched and vile as could be 

But my Savior in love, gave me peace from above 

When he reached down His hand for me

When the Savior reached down for me 

When he reached down His hand for me 

I was lost and undone, without God or His Son 

When he reached down His hand for me

I was near to despair when He came to me there 

And He showed me that I could be free 

Then He lifted my feet, gave me gladness complete 

When He reached down His hand for me

How my heart doth rejoice when I hear His sweet voice 

And the tempest to Him I can flee 

There to lean on His arms, safe secure from all harm 

Since he reached down his hand for me

The Beatitudes

Matthew 5:1-12KJV

1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:

2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Fruits of the Spirit: Temperance

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Temperance Is:

The growing realization that one's desire to please self was crucified with Christ, and replaced with a desire to glorify God (Galatians 2:20).

To avoid spoiling watch for pride.

I did not want to get up and go to church this morning. I worked on homework last night until after midnight. My boys were up at 3:16 this morning, climbing into our queen sized bed, asking for water, squirming around, and finally falling back asleep. I was tired and weary this morning at 7:30 when Kieran had an accident in the bed. Water in the middle of the night is not a good idea. I was not looking forward to a service wrangling my overtired boys in the pew, trying to keep them quiet, trying not to be an utter distraction. I wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed and sleep until noon.

But I didn't. 

The Lord has been working on my heart in the last 6 months since we have started our Ministry and blog. I am closer to Him now than I have ever been. Had it been left up to me and my selfish, prideful desires, I would've made some excuse not to go. But I knew that my presence in the house of the Lord was important to Him. I knew that by being there, by being faithful to Him, by setting an example for my boys, that I was glorifying and honoring my Savior. And so I pressed on this morning. We got dressed and ready and made it to church on time. And the blessing we got in return today for simply going to church to worship Him was amazing. 

Today I witnessed what the power of God can do. I saw a man stand behind the pulpit and pour out his heart and soul to a congregation for his Savior. I saw him speak with power, authority, and reverence for God, from God. I saw a man weep with conviction and joy. I saw a man preach with love for a lost and dying generation and for saints in glory. 

I sat in awe of the power of God and I wept with thankfulness. You see this man I saw and heard today was my husband. A man I have loved with all of my heart for nearly ten years. A man I didn't think it possible to love any more than I already did. And yet, as I sat there and watched him give glory and honor to our Savior, I felt myself falling more in love with him and the new man he is becoming. 

Romans 6:6-10 KJV

6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.

8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:

9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.

10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.

Crucified with the old man is our desire to please ourselves. 3 years ago, church was the last place you'd have found either of us. 3 years ago Brandon was more likely to have had a hangover than an overdose of Jesus. 3 years ago we were on the brink of divorce. Oh but what victory there is in Jesus! He has so transformed our lives they are nearly unrecognizable. He has given us love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and now temperance. He has built upon the love we had for each other and for Him, as deeply buried and as hard to find as it was sometimes, and he has multiplied in exponentially. He is continually changing our hearts, shaping and molding us in the servants He'd have us be. And I absolutely cannot thank Him enough. 

Galatians 2:20 KJV

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Heeding to the will of God, knowing that I put my selfish desires and my pride away this morning and practiced temperance, means that I am learning not only to live in the Spirit but to walk in the Spirit as well. It means that I am living by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me, for you. It means that I had victory over my flesh, over sin, and over Satan. Victory in Jesus.

Victory in Jesus

I heard an old, old story,

How a Savior came from glory,

How He gave His life on Calvary

To save a wretch like me;

I heard about His groaning,

Of His precious blood's atoning,

Then I repented of my sins

And won the victory.

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about His healing,

Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.

How He made the lame to walk again

And caused the blind to see;

And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,

Come and heal my broken spirit,"

And somehow Jesus came and bro't

To me the victory.

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about a mansion

He has built for me in glory.

And I heard about the streets of gold

Beyond the crystal sea;

About the angels singing,

And the old redemption story,

And some sweet day I'll sing up there

The song of victory.

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

Fruits of the Spirit: Meekness

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Meekness Is:

A tender spirit purposefully expressed (Romans 2:4) and sacrificially given (Ephesians 2:7) especially to the undeserving (Titus 3:4).

To avoid spoiling watch for a judgmental spirit.

You wouldn't think that meekness would be such a difficult characteristic to try to maintain. After all, how hard is it to be nice to someone? Well, sometimes it can be extremely difficult. I believe that is why it is 8th in line behind love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness and faithfulness. We've got to get those down pat before we can truly have a meek spirit to all those we encounter, even those we deem undeserving of kindness.

Anyone who knows me knows that the sun rises and sets in my boys as far as I'm concerned. I love them more than words can possibly express. I prayed and begged God for them, because there was a dark time in my life when I didn't think my heart would ever be whole again. And if you know me, you'll know that I have two of the roughest, rowdiest, rambunctious boys you've ever seen. I've called Brandon or my Momma in tears more times than I can count because I've been overwhelmed, maxed out, done in.  I've sat and cried out to God over and over for help, guidance, and direction in learning how to teach them, discipline them, and love them without breaking their beautiful spirits.

And this morning God graced me with an answer. He broke my heart in utter conviction. 

My hard to handle boys are not my problem. I am.

My boys need me to have a tender spirit purposefully expressed and sacrificially given. Not my bad attitude. Not my temperamental mood swings. If I can show meekness to a rank stranger on the street then I am capable of showing it to my family, the ones who ought to be the easiest to be kind to.

But it's not always easy. Being a Momma means being on call 24/7, no sick days, no vacation days. There is the occasional night spent at Poppa and Nanna's but our time apart is rarely spent on relaxation. So I do get frustrated and overwhelmed at times and I find myself being hateful and ill with the ones I love the most. 

Today the Lord has shown me that in writing this series on the Fruits of the Spirit, my heart and soul have been changing. I find myself being more purposeful in my actions and words than I was before. I am less quick to fly off the handle when Devlin throws a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet or when Kieran mimics my own stubborn attitude. They deserve my kindness, perhaps more than any other, because in my kindness, in my meekness dwells Christ, the only true kind man that ever was or ever will be. I must be intentional in my walking and living in the Spirit so that I am leading by example, teaching my boys that I not only talk like a follower of Christ but that I live like one too. I must teach them what it means to be a Christian so that when the Holy Ghost beckons them they will answer without hesitation. If my actions were to ever hinder their salvation in any way I would be devastated. 

I must show them that they should never mistake meekness for weakness for it is in the moments that we apply meekness that our strength is revealed. We must be kind to those we believe undeserving of it, we must sacrifice our pride to do it if necessary, we must forsake the judgmental spirits, we must be kind to everyone we meet because they are each fighting a hard battle we know nothing about. We must strive to live as much like Christ Jesus as possible because it was His tender spirit that was purposefully expressed in the ultimate sacrifice to the most undeserving of sinners, you and I.

Fruits of the Spirit: Faithfulness

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Faithfulness Is:

A promise (Romans 3:3, Lamentations 3:23) to keep one's word, and do one's best (1 Thessalonians 1:3) with a servant-attitude focused on the Master's approval (Matthew 25:21).

To avoid spoiling watch for weariness, laziness, procrastination, and discouragement.

Ask me how I am at any given point in the day and I'll probably give you one of the above answers. I'm either tired and weary, being lazy, procrastinating and avoiding something, or I'm just downright discouraged.  Exactly the perfect conditions to spoil the fruit of faithfulness. We know that the Fruits of the Spirit build one upon the other so we know what the perfect conditions to ripen our faithfulness to harvest are. They are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness and goodness. I need to fill my days with these fruits so that I can be faithful to my Savior, so that I can walk in His Spirit as I have been commanded to do.

Perhaps the most important part of faithfulness is the servant-attitude focused on the Master's approval and no one else's. In writing this blog I often struggle with discouragement. Sometimes I feel like there is little to no point in writing these posts because perhaps I don't get the volume of feedback I'd like from the audience I had hoped to reach.  I let myself get bogged down in looking for approval from my peers instead of my Master. Do I need encouragement from my brothers and sisters in Christ? Yes! Absolutely! But ultimately it is His approval that I should crave. It was Him after all that gave His life so that I could live a life covered by the blood. Yet, although I pray for guidance before writing any of my posts, I still find myself second guessing what I've written until I get an "atta girl" from family or friends.  I've told my Momma this before. She scolded me. And I needed it. She told me that second guessing what the Holy Ghost had given me would do nothing but irk Him and I certainly didn't want that. She's right. If I ask Him to use me, to guide me, to give me the words He'd have me use, and then I doubt what He gave me, I'm failing in my faithfulness, in my promise to do my best.

I believe that God gives each of us a specific and unique gift, with one outcome in mind: to be profitable in the Gospel, to use our talent to point others to Christ.  In Matthew 25:14-30 we find Jesus telling the parable of the talents.  The Master gave to each servant according to his abilities. The man with 5 talents and the man with 2 talents each received the same amount of praise because they were profitable, they had each doubled their talents. The third man hid his 1 talent in fear and was cast into outer darkness where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth because he was unprofitable.  

This parable isn't speaking of money but of our individual ability, our specific and unique gift, to serve God. Because although Salvation is not of works, our Salvation will give us the desire to do good works for our Savior.

We must be rich in the fruit of our faithfulness to be profitable for Christ even when we do not always understand the happenings of our lives. 

Faith is a deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time. --Oswald Chambers

When I miscarried in my 5th pregnancy in January this year, I had no idea what God's reasoning was.  I felt that we were finally getting our lives back on track and that a baby was going to multiply our joy exponentially. But God said, "Not now."  I couldn't understand His will at the time but I made the deliberate choice to have confidence, to have faith in Him. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that we'd have founded Help the Hurt Ministry and odds are, we wouldn't have with a baby on the way. Finishing my degree is something I've tried to do a couple of times in the past and now, I'm praying, it's going to become a reality, slowly but surely. Brandon too, is on his way to getting a college degree. God has given us a mission and we want to be faithful enough to see it through to completion. My heart sill aches with the desire to have a baby, but again, I have to be faithful and know that the Lord will answer my prayer in His own time.

Esther 4:14b KJV

And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

We have been put here on this earth, in these specific circumstances, for a time such as this. We all know in our heart what our calling is, how we can serve our Lord and Savior in the best way possible. Our faithfulness is our promise to heed to our calling and to do our best as servants seeking the Master's approval.