The Names of God: El Olam

El Olam: The Everlasting God

Psalms 90:1-2

[A Prayer of Moses the man of God.]

1 Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations.

2 Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.

Isaiah 40:28

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

I like to do a series with the blog posts because it focuses my thoughts and writing rather than just writing about random thoughts. And I like the series posts because when I'm done with one I immediately begin thinking about the next. Sometimes this means I have the next post up in a couple of days but usually it's a week. But everyday for that week I am thinking about the next post in the series and how my life factors in to what I'm studying about. I know I probably sound redundant at times because I write about losing Lachlan and my other babies, about the changes in Brandon over the last 3 years, about my fears and dreams for my boys - but I can only write what I know, what I feel, what I see. I can only write my story because God has given it to me to use to glorify Him.

So this week as I thought about El Olam, the Everlasting God, and my story, I was overwhelmed at the magnitude of what this name of God means.

It simply means that God and all He is, all He represents, all of His promises are eternal, without end, lasting forever. His love. His mercy. His forgiveness. His grace. His compassion. His comfort. His shelter. His longsuffering. His glory. His goodness. His gentleness. His hope. His faith. His peace. His redemption. His righteousness. His joy.

We could never deserve Him. Never work to gain His favor. Never be good enough for His eternal and everlasting greatness. 

And yet in all His eternal majesty He still created us, still spared us from the flood, spared us from hell by sending His only begotten Son. He loved us more than we could possibly fathom. 

El Olam has been our dwelling place in all generations, from beginning to end. 

He fainteth not, neither is He weary. He never tires of hearing our problems but He deserves our praises. He never tires of comforting our sorrows but He deserves our sacred songs. He never tires of loving us in spite of our sins but He deserves our lives to be lived in fear and service, truth and love of Him.

There is no searching His understanding. We cannot know in this life why He chose to send Jesus to die for our sins, aside from eternal love. But He did choose to. Before the mountains were brought forth, before He formed the earth and world, the everlasting to everlasting God knew my story and chose to send His Son to die so that I could tell it. 

I Just Wanted You To Know

You made dry ground where once were oceans 

Where once were mountains You made them low 

Where there were stones, now there is water 

You satisfy my thirsty soul 

There's strength in knowing You are near me 

That peace that You, alone bestow 

I love You more today than ever and I just wanted You to know 

Where there is fear Lord You will hide 

when winds of danger around me roll 

I feel your arms of grace around me and I just wanted you to know 

All those times I've seen your glory 

And how You've conquered my every foe 

My love for you is overflowing 

And I just wanted-- Lord I just needed! 

My heart is longing for You to know... 

and I just wanted You to know

A Cruel Pain

A month ago yesterday I took a home pregnancy test on a whim. I was shocked and thrilled to see it was positive. I woke Brandon up to tell him and he was as stunned and excited as I was. And I tried to keep it a secret as long as I could...which ended up being less than 24 hours.  The boys saw the tests in the bathroom and were naturally curious and we were excited to tell them what the tests meant, that they were going to get a baby brother or sister. I took lots of pictures and video as we told them, their expressions and excitement was priceless. The picture above is what we used to announce the pregnancy to our family. We were on could nine. And then the bottom dropped out of the cloud. 

The last two weeks have been full of pain and confusion. I'm in limbo waiting for the miscarriage my doctors say is imminent. My hcg levels dropped out of sight and the pregnancy tests now read negative. It's a cruel pain, the waiting. Because in the waiting lives the tiniest drop of hope. Hope that the doctors are wrong, hope that despite what science says that my baby is alive and thriving, hope that if I can just endure a little longer I can ask for an ultrasound that will prove there is life blossoming in my womb. 

So here I sit...wondering, hoping, doubting, grieving.

My heart tells me that my God is all powerful, all knowing, and all consuming. He knows the truest desires of my heart, He hears me when I can't bear to utter a word, and He has the power to take this tiny bit of hope in the farthest corner of my heart and make it a reality. But then my mind takes over and I realize that I sound like a lunatic to most people. That my mind is probably compensating for my grief and twisting reality to enable me to cope without having a full on mental breakdown. I know I have scoured the internet enough for stories of healthy babies born in situations like mine to know that I probably am crazy.

But I've just realized that in these last weeks I've forgotten all that I learned about the 5 Crowns of the Christian Life and I've forgotten what it means to be a daughter of the King. 

A daughter of the King is known not by the crown she wears, but the message she bears.

We are women of beauty, women of grace, women of excellence, beholding God’s face. We walk with the Lord, with integrity, knowing our purpose and destiny. No matter what happens we walk in God’s love, reflecting the beauty of our Father above. 

So while I have driven myself to anxiety, worry, lunacy, and doubt, the devil has been creeping in, doing his ever-lovin' best to steal away the crowns I have been striving to achieve. Why would these crowns be of any importance to him? Because they not only represent a life lived for Christ, they are gifts to be given to my Savior. 

Revelation 4:10-11

10 The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying, 11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.

I've been letting the devil steal all that I've worked for. And if I don't stop and take them back I'll be empty-handed at the feet of my Father. I'll have nothing to cast before His feet while I worship and praise Him.

So while the waiting is cruel and the unknown is frightening, I have to remember that no matter what the outcome is, my Jesus loves me. My Jesus loves me enough to have worn a crown of thorns so that I could one day be given the crowns of a Christian life. 

5 Crowns of the Christian Life: The Crown of Glory

The Crown of Glory

1 Peter 5:1-4
1 The elders which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed: 
2 Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight [thereof], not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; 
3 Neither as being lords over [God's] heritage, but being ensamples to the flock. 
4 And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away. 

The Pastor’s crown; it is given to the ministers who faithfully feed the flock of God and possibly includes all those who teach the Word of God in their respective ministries.

One of the greatest blessings about having children, is watching them learn about the Lord and His love for them. Seeing the smiles on their faces as they boldly and proudly proclaim that Jesus lives in their heart is one of the most joyous moments in a parent's life. To a child who is pure and innocent, there's no need to wonder about why they can't see Jesus because they can feel Him, they trust in Him, and they love Him. My boys are only 2.5 and 4 years old, and even though they don't quite understand what Salvation is, they are preparing their hearts for Him to move right in. But there was a time when I feared my boys would never know the truth of Jesus. 

One of the hardest things for me after Kieran was born was the worrying I did about how to teach Him about the Lord. Brandon and I were at odds over the ins and outs of religious doctrine and faith. For years there was painful tension anytime the Bible was brought up. So even though I went with him to "Bible study" with his family, I ignored what was being taught and I studied on my own. I hated getting into debates with him about doctrine and theory. We would just argue in circles, neither of us giving in. And we would finally just call it quits with "as long as you believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins that's all that matters."  I never doubted Brandon's Salvation, just his upbringing. 

So for the whole first year of Kieran's life I worried. And I did my best to keep us out of "Bible study." I believe the Lord had a hand in Kieran's naptime being precisely when study began, and me being a vehement believer in never waking a sleeping baby. But I had no idea what the solution to the problem was. I was terrified that taking Kieran to church would mean the end of my marriage. So I didn't bring it up. I didn't talk about taking him to church, I didn't sing Jesus Loves Me to him, I didn't pray with him, I didn't teach him from the moment he was born about the Man who gave His life to save his. I failed Kieran. I failed him miserably because I was afraid of the fight it would be to take him to church. 

I will thank the Lord everyday from now until I die, that I never had to have that fight and that my boys never had to face a future without Jesus. Just after Kieran turned a year old, and I was 5 months pregnant with Devlin, God moved in such a mighty way in our lives. Within a week, our life had been completely transformed. Yes, we lost a lot in the transformation, but we gained so much more. My boys may have lost one set of grandparents but they have gained the chance to learn about and accept eternal life, a chance that they likely would not have had. 

It has been 3 years since we have rededicated our lives to the Lord. 3 years of being back in church, growing in the Lord, and living a Christian life. So many things have changed in the last 3 years. Brandon answered his call to preach and is preaching his first revival in less than a week. He is a Sunday school teacher and he sings in the choir. He founded Help The Hurt Ministry and supported me in starting this blog. Now the only argument we have about the Bible is who gets to lead the family devotion at bedtime. 

Not only do our boys now have parents united in a love for Jesus but they also have a whole host of extended church family. They are surrounded by people who love the Lord and who love them, who teach them and minister to them. They are excited to go to church, and not just for the snacks Nanna Sharon brings them in Sunday School. Devlin loves to sing about Calvary and even though Kieran is shy and won't stand up in front of the congregation to say his Bible verse, he is listening and paying attention while the Pastor preaches and he is learning. They have relationships within the church with strong Christian men and women that they never would have had if God had not moved and worked in such an astounding way. They have a relationship with their Nanna and Poppa that I am so thankful for. There is a bond and a love there that grows each and every day. They will never lack for love.

So I may be wrong but I do believe that Crown of Glory is not only given to the God called preachers who have faithfully served as Pastors but also to the “elders” in Christian life. The deacons, the Sunday School teachers, the Song leaders, missionaries, evangelists, young preachers who are doing a service each and every day for the Lord, the men and women that my boys look up to, learn from and love. I also believe this crown is for those Mommas and Daddys who may not hold a position in their church but who teach their children and nurture and raise them in the admonition of the Lord, who make the chaotic and stressful trip to church with infants and toddlers and sullen teenagers because it matters, because even at 3 months, 3 years, or 13 years they need Jesus to permeate their lives. For the grandparents who pray unceasingly for the lost and backslid in their families, who love the unlovable, and who teach simply by living for Jesus. For the older generation in the churches who are teaching the younger generations what hard work means, what faithful and long lasting marriages mean, what living a testimony for Christ means. 

Each and every one of us have a ministry in our lives and it is up to us to faithfully and intentionally live out Christ’s love for us for the world to see Him in us. As C.S. Lewis says, we must shine, not so that others can see us, but so that others can see Him in us.

  

The Beatitudes: Blessed Are The Persecuted

Matthew 5:10-12
10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Brandon and I have always planned on homeschooling our boys. But they're only 2 and 3 years old and I haven't begun to stress about what that really means for my sanity yet. So when I write about our homeschooling experience in 2 to 3 more years I may be singing a different tune. Lord willin' and a whole lot of prayer I believe, will make it an amazing journey though. For now, our oldest is in a pre-school program that meets twice a week, for a total of 3 hours. He is getting used to the idea of school and how to sit still and pay attention, as well as learning and making friends. His teacher is a family friend and there are only 8 other 3 and 4 year olds in his class. Next year, our youngest will join him. We feel like this is a safe environment and have been so happy with his experience thus far.

One of the biggest reasons we had decided not to send them to public school was the fear of what they would be exposed to and how they would be treated. Some may consider sheltering their children a bad thing, they may believe that learning from the school of hard knocks is just a way of life. But we disagree. Sheltering our boys is our job as parents. Teaching them about Christ is our number 1 priority and if it doesn't line up with the Word of God, then they don't need to see it, hear it, read it, say it, or know it. I want my boys to be so saturated in Jesus Christ that when a mosquito bites them, it flies away singing "There's power in the blood!" 

I realize that this is an unpopular opinion, that there are those that believe homeschooling is archaic, that my boys will have the social skills of cavemen and be uneducated rednecks. And I hate to tell them that I have 2 of the most rough and tumble, wild and rowdy boys around and I don't really expect them to walk upright or do more than grunt until the Holy Ghost gets ahold of them. I'm kidding of course. Well, kind of. But if this were true and my choices were to have knuckle dragging, club wielding, one grunt for "no", two grunts for "yes" sons and sons that had been exposed to foul language, sex, violence, false doctrine, immorality, and bullying all by the time they finished kindergarten, can you guess which sons I'd choose? 

The fact of the matter is that the world is and always has been hostile to Christians. We are cautioned and reminded that we are not of the world, only in the world. I want my boys to be rooted and grounded in their faith before I send them out on their own into a world that hates them simply because they serve Christ as Master and Savior. 

To be truthful and 100% honest, it is our fear of persecution that has lead us to a homeschooling decision. To persecute only means to pursue with harassing or oppressive treatment, especially because of religion, race, or beliefs; harass persistently, to annoy or trouble persistently. We have probably all faced that at one time or another in our spiritual lives, either by Satan or people we know at work, at school, or perhaps like Brandon and I, by relatives. And of course where you were in your relationship with the Father at the time of your persecution, greatly influenced the outcome. And it is this that we worry about as parents. Our boys have not accepted Christ as their Savior yet. They are under the age of accountability and thus innocent. It is now, while their innocence remains that we fill their lives with Jesus, so that when the Holy Ghost does beckon them, they will want to accept Him. Because if faced with spiritual persecution by their peers or adults in positions of authority before they have accepted Christ into their hearts, the damage could be spiritually fatal.

The persecution I have faced as a Christian is trivial compared to what the apostles suffered, those who were martyred for their beliefs in Christ, and what Christ Himself suffered for you and I. But I could be self-righteous and boastful and tell you that I could withstand being tortured, beaten, burned alive, beheaded or crucified for Christ's sake. I could. But I'd be lying. I can truthfully say though, that I want with all that I am to be able to if ever faced with that situation. I want to be able to withstand, having done ALL to stand for my Savior. And I know that to do that I must continue to grow spiritually. I must read and study and worship and praise my God continually in preparation of a day such as that. 

And I must prepare my boys. And I must let nothing stand in the way of that. God has blessed our family with the ability for me to be a stay at home Momma and I believe I need to take advantage of that and use my time to instill godly principles in my children. I know well that not every family is in the same set of circumstances that we are. This post is not meant to belittle any family that sends their children to public schools. But it is meant to say that we must prepare our children for the persecution they will face in the world for their beliefs. We have to teach our children what it means to be unashamed of our Savior. We have to teach them with our words and with our actions. One without the other is not enough because in a world such as we live in, persecution is inevitable. 

2 Timothy 3:12 
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

I pray to God that it never happens, but were it to, I want my boys to stand mightily as Stephen did. 

Acts 7:55-56
55 But he, being full of the Holy Ghost, looked up stedfastly into heaven, and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing on the right hand of God,
56 And said, Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God.

He kept his eyes on God and His Son and he met them in Their Kingdom.

The Beatitudes: Blessed Are Those Which Do Hunger and Thirst

Matthew 5:6 KJV
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

This morning I woke up as normal. Bright and early to two beautiful blond, blue-eyed boys. We went about our morning routine: potty, breakfast, Annabelle's breakfast (the 6 month old eats-me-out-of-house-and-home German Rottweiler puppy that my boys adore even if she does dwarf them in size and weight), cartoon time and my time to catch up on all that happened in the 6 hours of sleep I was able to get. Nothing unusual this morning. I scrolled through Facebook, mentally noting the prayer requests I came across, silently asking God to do His will in the situations. Then my phone vibrated with a text message. Another prayer request for a local family who lost their 17 year old son in a fatal car accident this morning. I knew the family, though not well, but knew many people who were very close to the family and their son. My heart began to break for his family and loved ones. A tragedy such as this is unimaginable. I prayed for the Lord to comfort his family as only He can. 

I thought about them throughout the day and tonight as I prayed with my boys and tucked them into bed, I thought about the boy.

I thought about him and his Momma and how I would feel if I were in her place. And the thought came to me as I kissed my boys goodnight, that we never know what the morning holds, much less the next minute. And if I were in this Momma's place, the one thing I would want to know for certain is that my boys had accepted Christ as their Savior. I would want to know that I had done everything in my power to show them Christ's love, to walk in His righteous path, to live in the Spirit and to direct them to Him. I would want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they loved the Lord Jesus with all their heart and believed that He was crucified on Calvary for their sins. I would want to know that I had so hungered and thirsted after His righteousness that my boys hungered and thirsted too. I would want to know that when He filled me up it overflowed and filled my babies up too. If I had to trade places with that Momma and think for a single second that I had not done every single thing humanly possible to lead my sons to the Lord, if I thought that there was even the slightest chance they did not have the full pardon of salvation, I would not be able to live another day. 

Our number one priority as a parent should be to raise our children to know the love of their Savior. If we never did another thing right but to see our children accept Christ as their Redeemer, then we'd have done the most important thing right.

Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled.

Lord,
I pray tonight that you be with this family who has lost their son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, high school sweetheart, and friend. Lord I pray that they seek Your Face for comfort and for guidance. I pray Lord that they have the security in knowing their son was one of Yours, a Child of the King. I pray Lord that his death not be in vain, I pray that in seeking solace in this tragedy that some lost sinner may find You and Your Redeeming Grace. 

Lord I pray tonight and every night that you would take my hand and lead me, guide me, show me Your way. Show me how to be a godly Momma, wife, daughter, and servant. Show me how to raise my boys in Your glory and admonition. Lord I pray that when the time is right, when You prick their hearts and beckon them to come to You, that they not hesitate a single second. I pray Lord to always hunger and thirst after righteousness and to be filled by your presence in Heaven some sweet day with my boys by my side.

In Jesus Sweet Name I Do Pray,
Love You Jesus,
Aman

Child of the King

Once I was clothed in the rags of my sin,

Wretched and poor, lost and lonely within.

But with wondrous compassion, the King of all kings,

In pity and love, took me under His wings.

Oh, yes, oh yes, I'm a child of the King

His royal blood now flows in my veins.

And I who was wretched and poor now can sing

Praise God, praise God, I'm a child of the King.

Now I'm a child with a Heavenly home,

My Holy Father has made me His own.

And I'm cleansed by His blood, and I'm clothed in His love,

And some day I'll sing with the angels above.

Oh, yes, oh yes, I'm a child of the King

His royal blood now flows in my veins.

And I who was wretched and poor now can sing

Praise God, praise God, I'm a child of the King.

Fruits of the Spirit: Faithfulness

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Faithfulness Is:

A promise (Romans 3:3, Lamentations 3:23) to keep one's word, and do one's best (1 Thessalonians 1:3) with a servant-attitude focused on the Master's approval (Matthew 25:21).

To avoid spoiling watch for weariness, laziness, procrastination, and discouragement.

Ask me how I am at any given point in the day and I'll probably give you one of the above answers. I'm either tired and weary, being lazy, procrastinating and avoiding something, or I'm just downright discouraged.  Exactly the perfect conditions to spoil the fruit of faithfulness. We know that the Fruits of the Spirit build one upon the other so we know what the perfect conditions to ripen our faithfulness to harvest are. They are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness and goodness. I need to fill my days with these fruits so that I can be faithful to my Savior, so that I can walk in His Spirit as I have been commanded to do.

Perhaps the most important part of faithfulness is the servant-attitude focused on the Master's approval and no one else's. In writing this blog I often struggle with discouragement. Sometimes I feel like there is little to no point in writing these posts because perhaps I don't get the volume of feedback I'd like from the audience I had hoped to reach.  I let myself get bogged down in looking for approval from my peers instead of my Master. Do I need encouragement from my brothers and sisters in Christ? Yes! Absolutely! But ultimately it is His approval that I should crave. It was Him after all that gave His life so that I could live a life covered by the blood. Yet, although I pray for guidance before writing any of my posts, I still find myself second guessing what I've written until I get an "atta girl" from family or friends.  I've told my Momma this before. She scolded me. And I needed it. She told me that second guessing what the Holy Ghost had given me would do nothing but irk Him and I certainly didn't want that. She's right. If I ask Him to use me, to guide me, to give me the words He'd have me use, and then I doubt what He gave me, I'm failing in my faithfulness, in my promise to do my best.

I believe that God gives each of us a specific and unique gift, with one outcome in mind: to be profitable in the Gospel, to use our talent to point others to Christ.  In Matthew 25:14-30 we find Jesus telling the parable of the talents.  The Master gave to each servant according to his abilities. The man with 5 talents and the man with 2 talents each received the same amount of praise because they were profitable, they had each doubled their talents. The third man hid his 1 talent in fear and was cast into outer darkness where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth because he was unprofitable.  

This parable isn't speaking of money but of our individual ability, our specific and unique gift, to serve God. Because although Salvation is not of works, our Salvation will give us the desire to do good works for our Savior.

We must be rich in the fruit of our faithfulness to be profitable for Christ even when we do not always understand the happenings of our lives. 

Faith is a deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time. --Oswald Chambers

When I miscarried in my 5th pregnancy in January this year, I had no idea what God's reasoning was.  I felt that we were finally getting our lives back on track and that a baby was going to multiply our joy exponentially. But God said, "Not now."  I couldn't understand His will at the time but I made the deliberate choice to have confidence, to have faith in Him. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that we'd have founded Help the Hurt Ministry and odds are, we wouldn't have with a baby on the way. Finishing my degree is something I've tried to do a couple of times in the past and now, I'm praying, it's going to become a reality, slowly but surely. Brandon too, is on his way to getting a college degree. God has given us a mission and we want to be faithful enough to see it through to completion. My heart sill aches with the desire to have a baby, but again, I have to be faithful and know that the Lord will answer my prayer in His own time.

Esther 4:14b KJV

And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

We have been put here on this earth, in these specific circumstances, for a time such as this. We all know in our heart what our calling is, how we can serve our Lord and Savior in the best way possible. Our faithfulness is our promise to heed to our calling and to do our best as servants seeking the Master's approval.

Fruits of the Spirit: Gentleness

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Gentleness Is:
An attitude of humility (James 1:21) stirred by a grateful spirit (Numbers 12:3) revealed in a tenderness towards other (Ephesians 4:2) sustained by a growing trust in God (Matthew 5:5).

To avoid spoiling watch for bitterness.

Imagine yourself living in a house.

God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and fixing the leaks in the roof and so on. You knew those jobs needed doing and so you were not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts and does not seem to make sense. 

What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of...throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage.

But He is building a palace.

--C.S. Lewis

So has been my journey of motherhood. I didn't mean to turn this series into one on parenting. And it may not continue to be so after tonight's post. But I suppose the Lord knew that this was the direction that I needed to go in the most. Aside from Him, I've never wanted anything more than to be a Momma. So on the days when being a Momma is the hardest thing I've ever done, on the days when I crawl into bed crying from exhaustion and fear that I'm doing more harm than good, on the days when I wonder how on earth I'm going to make it until Brandon gets home, on those days it is difficult to remember that my boys aren't a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work. They are the most important work because their souls hang in the balance (Proverbs 15:11). I have the promise that the Lord will become their Salvation if they but believe on Him. The most important job I have as a Momma is to point them to Christ in every single thing I do. I must live Him, breathe Him, walk and talk Him. They must know that He is the answer for every problem that they face.  

And just like the house that C.S. Lewis talks about, Christ is moving in and tearing down the walls I've built around what I think being a parent looks like. 

I struggle with being longsuffering and patient and in that same regard I struggle with being gentle. I am hasty to dole out discipline in the midst of frustration and anger. I have seen my boys flinch when I raise my voice, I’ve seen them cower in fear. Is this how I want to raise my children? In fear? With a broken spirit? How do I walk that fine line between instilling respect and causing true fear?

I choose gentleness. If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise. If I clench my fists, may it be only in prayer. –Max Lucado

In Jesus Christ’s three and a half years of preaching and teaching, not once did He turn away someone in anger or frustration. The only time we see Him raise a hand in anger is to turn the tables over of the moneychangers and cast them out of the temple because they had defiled the house of God, they were profiting off of the sins of God’s chosen people. (Matthew 21:12)  Instead, He gently rebukes them and tells them to go and sin no more. (John 8:11)

1 Peter 3:4 tells me that a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God a great price. To be meek not only means to be quiet and gentle but to be obedient.

I am not gentle by nature but I can be gentle by obedience. –Lysa TerKeurst

If I want to be a Godly Momma, I have to learn gentleness. I have to have an attitude of humility that is stirred by a grateful spirit. Grateful that God has chosen me to be the Momma to my boys. Grateful that He has blessed me with 2 of the most beautiful and magnificent blessings I could ever hold in my heart. I must reveal a tenderness towards them that is sustained by a growing trust in God, a trust in God that believes that He will guide me in pointing them towards His Son. A trust in God that puts my skill in parenting in His hands to be taught love, joy, peace, longsuffering and gentleness. And I must turn to God with any bitterness or resentment that I may feel on the difficult days to avoid spoiling my gentleness. If I let those take up residence in my newly built palace then it will crumble around me. I may not ever be a perfect Momma, but Christ covers my flaws with His own gentleness.

In His gentleness, He gives us grace.

Grace has a face. It is the face of compassion, of comfort, safety, and acceptance. It is the face of unconditional love. It is the face of a parent. Grace has a face…It’s yours. –L. R. Knost

Fruits of the Spirit: Joy

Galatians 5:16-25 KJV
16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Joy is:
A pre-determined attitude (Philippians 4:4) of praise for God's goodness (Psalms 5:11) by maintaining an eternal focus (Psalms 16:11) in the midst of difficulty (Hebrews 12:2).

To avoid spoiling watch for complaining.

I am not a morning person. Far from it. I thrive on late night deadlines, reading until the wee hours of the morning, movie marathons and snacking in front of the tv while everyone else is sleeping. And I pay the consequences every morning when Kieran, a chip off his Daddy's block, wakes at daylight, bright eyed and bushy tailed. He comes bounding into my bedroom ready to start the day, while Devlin, who is no more a morning person than I am, and I try to burrow further under the covers. Generally my mood is soured before my feet even hit the floor because I don't want to wake up. And I have no one to blame but myself. I lose my joy before I've even had time to wipe the sleep from my eyes. And in losing mine, I tarnish the joy for my boys and Brandon if he's unlucky enough to be home when my grumpy hind end finally rolls out of bed.  

I know what time Kieran wakes up. He's like clockwork. Rarely does he sleep past 7:30am. But I also crave the quiet time I have to myself after they're all in bed. So I can either sacrifice my alone time which is when I blog and do my homework, or I can change my attitude. I can pre-determine my joy. Philippians 4:4 tells me to rejoice in the Lord always. Always. Not just when Brandon is sweet enough to take the boys for the morning and let me sleep in. Not just when I luck up and Kieran sleeps until 9:00am. I should be rejoicing when I hear his little feet bound through the house and jump into my bed because that means he is alive.When my boys were newborns, I had almost an irrational fear of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I was terrified of it because it seemed like there was nothing I could do to prevent it. So instead of sleeping when they slept, I hovered over them, checking their breathing constantly. Somehow, even though they have outgrown the SIDS stage, I still find myself checking their breathing at night before I go to bed. If I can't see them moving on the video monitor, I creep into their room and lay my hand on their chests just so I can rest assured that they are still breathing. So my blonde haired, blue eyed, alarm clock is absolutely cause for rejoicing because the Lord has blessed me with another day with him. And tomorrow at 7:30am, instead of grumbling and shushing him, I am going to pull him in close and cover his beautiful face in kisses.

And then as we go about our day, I am going to continue to praise God's goodness because it is everywhere I turn. Instead of complaining that Devlin dumped his lunch on the floor, again, I will praise the Lord for having enough food to feed him because there was a time when I wasn't sure we'd have groceries for the week. Instead of complaining that Kieran didn't pick up his toys in the living room and it looks like a bomb exploded, I am going to praise the Lord that I have a living room to clean, because it was not so long ago that there was a very real chance we'd be without a home. Instead of calling my Momma to complain about the boys being wild, I will praise the Lord for two healthy boys who can roughhouse and play with each other because I remember a time when I thought my arms and my heart would be empty, with no babies to hold. Yes, God's goodness has filled my life with joy.

Tomorrow I will maintain an eternal focus on my Lord, even in the midst of difficulty because in His presence is the fullness of joy, at His right hand are pleasures for evermore. When I lose my joy, and I've spoiled my day by complaining, I lose my focus on God. I get out of the Spirit and if I'm out of the Spirit, how can I raise my boys to have a focus on God? Joy and the Lord go hand in hand. I cannot have one without the other. There is nothing in my life that should be able to steal my joy in the Lord. Unless I let it. Hebrews tells us that Christ endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him, despising the shame all the while. What was the joy that was set before Him? The cleansing of my sins, my pardon bought with His blood, my name written in the Lamb's Book of Life. That was His joy. That was the reason He endured the cross. For me. For my boys. For you.

Tomorrow I will wake up with a pre-determined attitude of praise for God's goodness by maintaining an eternal focus in the midst of difficulty. 

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus.

Give me Joy.

BE YE GLAD

Words and Music by M.K.Blanchard 

In these days of confused situations.

In these nights of a restless remorse,

When the heart and the soul of the nation,

lay wounded and cold as a corpse.

From the grave of the innocent Adam,

comes a song bringing joy to the sad.

Oh your cry has been heard and the ransom,

has been paid up in full, Be Ye Glad.

Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,

Every debt that you ever had

Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,

Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

From the dungeon a rumor is stirring.

You have heard it again and again.

But this time the cell keys are turning,

and outside there are faces of friends.

And though your body lay weary from wasting,

and your eyes show the sorrow they've had.

Oh the love that your heart is now tasting

has opened the gate, Be Ye Glad.

Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,

Every debt that you ever had

Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,

Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

So be like lights on the rim of the water,

giving hope in a storm sea of night.

Be a refuge amidst the slaughter,

for these fugitives in their flight.

For you are timeless and part of a puzzle.

You are winsome and young as a lad.

And there is no disease or no struggle,

that can pull you from God, Be Ye Glad.

Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,

Every debt that you ever had

Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,

Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am The Beginning and The End

Matthew 28:20 KJV 

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. 

Philippians 2:9-11 KJV 

9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: 

10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; 

11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Revelation 21:6 KJV 

And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. 

Revelation 22:13 KJV  

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

The Beginning and the End. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost. The Creator, The Savior, The Comforter.  Our starting point and our finish line. The First and the Last. Without Him we are nothing and with Him we have life eternal.  He is the Alpha and Omega, the be all, end all, and He gave His only begotten Son to shed His blood on the cross for you and I. 

I cannot help but sit here weeping as I write. I weep in sorrow for the pain He suffered at my hand because of my sin. I weep in awe because I cannot understand a love so vast that Jesus would willingly lay down His life for so vile a wretch as me and I weep because I don't have to understand it to accept it. I weep in utter joy because I do know with all my heart that His wounds have paid my ransom. I weep in expectation for the day I will sing His praises in His presence in heaven some sweet day. And I weep because I know that the very same God on that cross, the One that loved me enough to die for my sins, is the very same God who is with me each and every day, from beginning to end.

Matthew Henry said "He that drew near to God, to speak for us to Him, draws near to us, to speak from Him to us".  Christ drew near to the Father on Calvary to make intercession for you and I, though we had done nothing to deserve His love and mercy. And Christ draws near to us to speak from God to us in all that we do. I see God in my children's eyes and I hear Him in their laughter. I feel God in my husband's arms and I know that God gave Brandon back to me when I feared I was losing him forever. I experience His mercy and grace in my parents' unfaltering love for me despite my failings and mistakes.  But never do I feel Him as closely as I do when I whisper His name...

Jesus, the mere mention of His name can calm the storm, heal the broken, raise the dead. At the name of Jesus, I've seen sin-hardened men melted, derelicts transformed, the lights of hope put back into the eyes of a hopeless child... 

At the name of Jesus, hatred and bitterness turned to love and forgiveness, arguments cease. 

I've heard a mother softly breathe His name at the bedside of a child delirious with fever, and I've watched that little body grow quiet and the fevered brow cool. 

I've sat beside a dying saint, her body racked with pain, who in those final fleeting seconds summoned her last ounce of ebbing strength to whisper earth's sweetest name--Jesus, Jesus... 

Emperors have tried to destroy it; philosophers have tried to stamp it out. Tyrants have tried to wash it from the face of the earth with the very blood of those who claimed it. Yet still it stands. 

And there shall be that final day when every voice that has ever uttered a sound--every voice of Adam's race shall raise in one great mighty chorus to proclaim the name of Jesus--for in that day "every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!!!" 

Ah--so you see--it was not mere chance that caused the angel one night long ago to say to a virgin maiden, "His name shall be called Jesus." Jesus--Jesus--Jesus. You know, there is something about that name... 

Jesus. The Beginning and the End. The beginning of hope, the end of despair. The beginning of love, the end of misery. The beginning of mercy and grace, the end of shame.  He is the beginning of Life Eternal and the end of torment and sorrow in hell's neverending fire.  

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there is just something about that name.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am The Most High

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV 
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

Psalms 7:17 KJV 
I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high. 

Psalms 83:18 KJV 
That men may know that thou, whose name alone is JEHOVAH, art the most high over all the earth.

A knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day.  What an amazing aspiration. I want to be that woman. I want to be a knowing woman, a woman who has the heart knowledge and the head knowledge of her Jesus so that she can be like Him, not just at the break of the day but all the day long.  Kendra Michelle Dawn literally means to be a knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day. My parents must've been party to divine inspiration the day they decided on my name. I can aspire to be this woman because I know that He has a plan for me.

     " Known unto God are all His works, for known unto Him are all His thoughts (Acts 15:18) and His works agree exactly with His thoughts; He does all according to the counsel of His will. We often do not know our own thoughts, nor know our own mind, but God is never at any uncertainty within Himself. We are sometimes ready to fear that God's designs concerning us are all against us; but He knows the contrary concerning His own people, that they are thoughts of good and not of evil; even that which seems evil is designed for good. His thoughts are all working towards the expected end, which He will give in due time.  He will give them to see the end of their trouble; though it last long, it shall not last always. When things are at the worst they will begin to mend; and He will give them to see the glorious perfection of their deliverance; for, as for God, His work is perfect. He that in the beginning finished the heavens and the earth, and all the hosts of both, will finish all the blessings of both to his people. When He begins in ways of mercy He will make an end. God does nothing by halves. He will give them to see the expectation, that end which they desire and hope for, and have been long waiting for. He will give them, not the expectations of their fears, nor the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith, the end which He has promised and which will turn for the best to them." --Matthew Henry on Jeremiah 29:11

The Most High has a plan for me, an expected end, and I must have the expectation of faith to see it done.  I must sing His praises in all that I do and all that I am so that every man may know the He is The Most High.  I did something tonight that I have never done as an adult before.  I wrote about my Savior in a school assignment. I recently enrolled in an online university and I am very excited and very apprehensive at the same time.  Our goal has always been for our ministry to grow into something concrete. A physical place where those who are hurting can go to for comfort and guidance, a place where they can go to hear the Gospel given in a truthful but loving way, without casting them down.  Our long-term goal is to open a Christian counseling center in our community. To do this the Lord burdened my heart with going back to school for my Bachelor of Psychology degree with a concentration in Human Services so that I will have the knowledge I need to help people from all walks of life.  Brandon will also be, Lord willing, beginning his Theology degree in the Fall.  These are major life changes taking place in our lives and I believe they are part of our expected end.  

Tonight, as I was completing a practice assignment for my orientation course, I took an opportunity to talk about my Savior.  It was a practice assignment to walk us through submitting our future assignments in the online classroom, so I honestly don't know that it will even be seen by another person.  But that wasn't the point of it.  It was for me.  The assignment was to write a one page essay on the academic, emotional, and practical challenges and opportunities that being an online student presents. This week while going through the many tutorials and resources that the university provides new students, I quickly came to realize that I may very well be out of my academic depth and most certainly my comfort zone. The fear and the anxiety naturally began to well up inside of me.  But in writing this essay tonight, the Holy Ghost came by, and whispered His sweet peace to me.  This is the paragraph from my essay:

Second I must overcome the emotional challenge presented to me, fear and anxiety about being a new student in such a different atmosphere.  I am no longer fresh out of high school and the lessons I learned in English about correct citations in my writing as well as my grammar are no longer as sharp in my mind as they were almost ten years ago.  Knowing that I am not up to speed, that I am by most accounts, rusty, is a fearful thing. This knowledge creates a lot of anxiety that intrudes upon my goals of attaining my degree and setting an example for my sons.  For me overcoming this challenge is spiritual.  I rely first and foremost upon my Lord and Savior and it is to Him that I must turn over my fear and my anxiety.  His Word tells me in Philippians Chapter 1 Verse 6 that “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a goodwork in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” It is through Him that I will conquer my fears and anxiety and grasp the opportunities that being a new student at Walden University offers me.

The Lord Most High not only has a plan for me but He has begun a good work in me and His Word tells me that He see it through until the day He returns to take me home. What better comfort and encouragement could I ask for?  If I aspire to become a knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day I believe I will meet my expected end.