Who Am I Lord? : You Are Mine

Song of Solomon 2:16 KJV

My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.

Isaiah 43:1 KJV

But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

John 17:23 KJV

I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

2 Thessalonians 2:13 KJV

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:

Who Are You, Lord?

While Praying One Day A Woman Asked, 

"Who Are You, Lord?"

He Answered, "I Am". 

But, Who Is I Am? She Said.

And He Replied...

"I Am Love, I Am Peace,

I Am Grace, I Am Joy,

I Am The Way, Truth, And The Light ...

I Am The Comforter,

I Am Strength, I Am Safety,

I Am Shelter, I Am Power, I Am The Creator,

I Am The Beginning And The End,

I Am The Most High".

The Girl With Tears In Her Eyes Looked

Toward Heaven And Said,

"Now I Understand. 

But Lord, Who Am I?"

Then God Tenderly Wiped The Tears

From Her Eyes And Whispered,

"You Are Mine".

Mine. I hear that word countless times a day. "NO" and "MINE" are a toddler's favorite words I do believe. At 2 and 3 years old my boys understand the fierce possession that "mine" means. They're ready to brawl at the drop of a hat it seems like some days if one thinks that hat is his and not his brother's. But as possessive as they are over toys, sippy cups, or last week's chicken nugget found wedged under the car seat, they're even more so possessive of the people they love. One of Kieran's first fully formed sentences was "My Poppa. Baby get." when he thought that Nanna ought to hold Devlin so that Poppa could hold him.

But I am not sure more thrilling words have ever been uttered than these, "you are mine," when you know it's the Master and Savior whispering them to you.  And that is exactly what we are, His. He has chosen us, He has called us by name, we are His beloved, and He is in us and God the Father loves us as He has loved His only begotten Son. 

I have looked forward to writing this blog since we began the Who Are You Lord? series, and now that I am, I am simply speechless. I'm not at all sure that I can do it justice. I am not at all worthy to be called His.  Nothing I have ever said or done, or could do or say, can make me enough, save one thing. Making Him mine. I am His beloved and He is mine. Choosing Him means that His blood covers my weakness and my failings, covers my sin and washes me white as snow, makes me worthy in the sight of my Father. Knowing that I am His is, more often than not, the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, keeps me from burying my head in the blankets and refusing to get out of bed. Because He is in me I can face another day full of the stresses of life and all that that entails. But sometimes it gets to be too much. There are times when I am overwhelmed and I can feel the panic rise in my throat and the tears spring up in my eyes and I know that the dam is about to burst...and then it does. And while I am falling apart He is picking up the pieces. And then I feel Him, so powerfully that He may as well be here in the flesh lifting my head up and giving me the peace and comfort,the strength and shelter, and love that I need so much.

For all that He has done for me, what can I do for Him? How do I repay Him? I must live for Him, to make Him proud of me, to worship and honor Him, to help others come to know Him so that they can be His too. Because we are bound to give thanks to Him always because He chose us from the beginning, He knew us before the foundations of the earth were formed. He knew who we'd be, what we'd do, and He chose to call us His anyway. 

My Beloved is mine and I am His.

Since I Am Thine, Lord

 H. W. Flickinger

Since I am Thine, Lord, and Thou art mine,

Purchased and kept by power divine;

Tho’ so unworthy, O let me be

Conscious that Thou art living in me.

Since I am Thine, Lord, and Thou art mine,

Tho’ but a branch whilst Thou art the vine;

Prune me and train me, that I may be

Fruitful in service, Master, for Thee.

Since I am Thine, Lord, and Thou art mine,

Oh, that through me Thy glory may shine;

Filled with Thy Spirit, grant me this plea:

That all shall see Thy likeness in me.

Since I am Thine, Lord, and only Thine,

Joy thrills my soul, for now Thou art mine;

Thou art in me and I am in Thee,

Thine all the praise and glory shall be.

Since I am Thine, Lord, saved by Thy grace,

Oh, how I long to see Thy dear face;

Help me to serve and patiently wait

Till I pass through the heavenly gate.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am The Beginning and The End

Matthew 28:20 KJV 

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. 

Philippians 2:9-11 KJV 

9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: 

10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; 

11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Revelation 21:6 KJV 

And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. 

Revelation 22:13 KJV  

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

The Beginning and the End. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost. The Creator, The Savior, The Comforter.  Our starting point and our finish line. The First and the Last. Without Him we are nothing and with Him we have life eternal.  He is the Alpha and Omega, the be all, end all, and He gave His only begotten Son to shed His blood on the cross for you and I. 

I cannot help but sit here weeping as I write. I weep in sorrow for the pain He suffered at my hand because of my sin. I weep in awe because I cannot understand a love so vast that Jesus would willingly lay down His life for so vile a wretch as me and I weep because I don't have to understand it to accept it. I weep in utter joy because I do know with all my heart that His wounds have paid my ransom. I weep in expectation for the day I will sing His praises in His presence in heaven some sweet day. And I weep because I know that the very same God on that cross, the One that loved me enough to die for my sins, is the very same God who is with me each and every day, from beginning to end.

Matthew Henry said "He that drew near to God, to speak for us to Him, draws near to us, to speak from Him to us".  Christ drew near to the Father on Calvary to make intercession for you and I, though we had done nothing to deserve His love and mercy. And Christ draws near to us to speak from God to us in all that we do. I see God in my children's eyes and I hear Him in their laughter. I feel God in my husband's arms and I know that God gave Brandon back to me when I feared I was losing him forever. I experience His mercy and grace in my parents' unfaltering love for me despite my failings and mistakes.  But never do I feel Him as closely as I do when I whisper His name...

Jesus, the mere mention of His name can calm the storm, heal the broken, raise the dead. At the name of Jesus, I've seen sin-hardened men melted, derelicts transformed, the lights of hope put back into the eyes of a hopeless child... 

At the name of Jesus, hatred and bitterness turned to love and forgiveness, arguments cease. 

I've heard a mother softly breathe His name at the bedside of a child delirious with fever, and I've watched that little body grow quiet and the fevered brow cool. 

I've sat beside a dying saint, her body racked with pain, who in those final fleeting seconds summoned her last ounce of ebbing strength to whisper earth's sweetest name--Jesus, Jesus... 

Emperors have tried to destroy it; philosophers have tried to stamp it out. Tyrants have tried to wash it from the face of the earth with the very blood of those who claimed it. Yet still it stands. 

And there shall be that final day when every voice that has ever uttered a sound--every voice of Adam's race shall raise in one great mighty chorus to proclaim the name of Jesus--for in that day "every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!!!" 

Ah--so you see--it was not mere chance that caused the angel one night long ago to say to a virgin maiden, "His name shall be called Jesus." Jesus--Jesus--Jesus. You know, there is something about that name... 

Jesus. The Beginning and the End. The beginning of hope, the end of despair. The beginning of love, the end of misery. The beginning of mercy and grace, the end of shame.  He is the beginning of Life Eternal and the end of torment and sorrow in hell's neverending fire.  

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there is just something about that name.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am The Way, I Am The Truth, I Am The Light

John 14:6 KJV

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

John 8:12 KJV

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

2Corinthians 3:17 KJV 

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

I Never Shall Forget The Day

Long years ago when out in sin

I had no hope no peace within

Down on my knees in agony

I prayed to Jesus and He gladly set me free

I never shall forget the day

And all the burdens of my soul were rolled away

It made me happy, be glad and free

I'll sing and shout it, God means everything to me

Now I can feel, him at my side

My fewer steps, he comes to guide

When trials come, he comforts me

To faith in him or sin I have a victory

I never shall forget the day

And all the burdens of my soul were rolled away

It made me happy, be glad and free

I'll sing and shout it, God means everything to me

Oh, sinner come to Jesus now

At His dear feet just humbly bow

Confess to Him your every sin

He'll save and cleanse you, give you peace and joy within

I never shall forget the day

And all the burdens of my soul were rolled away

It made me happy, be glad and free

I'll sing and shout it, God means everything to me

I remember the day. And I'll never forget it.  I was sitting in my Momma's Sunday School room learning about the ravens feeding Elijah and his faithfulness in the Lord.  I remember standing beside her, my heart racing so fast it felt like it was going to fly out of my chest just any minute, tears streaming down my face. I knew I wanted to trust in God like Elijah did and I knew that I didn't want to be bad anymore and I knew I needed Jesus to come live in my heart if I wanted to be good.  I had just turned 5 years old.  It was a simple understanding of Jesus's love but that was all it took because it is simple. Jesus tells us plainly the He is The Way, The Truth and The Life and no man comes unto the Father but by Him. One Way, One Truth and Everlasting Life.

It has been 22, nearly 23 years since I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. And I have not always been a good Christian woman. There were years in my life that if you had asked my coworkers and friends to describe me, Christian would not have been an adjective they'd have used.  I was walking afar off, I had lost my way and it took me a long time to remember The Way back home.

I struggled during those years with my convictions and my doctrine. I had married a man whose family also professed to be Christian, whose father led a weekly Bible study in his home, and who I constantly seemed to be at odds with over what the Bible said and what it meant.  It got to the point that I cringed every time Bible study with his parents was mentioned because I knew what was being taught was wrong and try as I might I couldn't convince Brandon to believe me. He'd been saved at 9 years old at Vacation Bible School that his Aunt and cousins had taken him to.  The opportunities for him to attend church after that were few and far between over the years. Instead of being raised in church he was raised with heavy metal music blaring, alcohol flowing Saturday night parties and hangover ridden Bible study Sunday mornings. I didn't know a lot about the Bible but I knew what I had been taught and what I felt in my heart to be true. But regardless of the argument there was one thing we both agreed on, Jesus.  He was the One Truth we both had in our hearts. His Truth is the one thing that saved our marriage and our family.

We found our way because of His Truth and He became our Light and our Life.  It is hard to look back and believe that it has been 2 years next month that Brandon answered his call from God to preach.  It seems like it has gone by so fast.  And there have been many times that without His Light, we'd have lost our way again. There is so much and so many that we had to leave behind when we rejoined the straight and narrow way again but because of Jesus, the Light of the world, we don't miss a single thing.  We lost half of our family when Brandon answered his call to preach but we gained a church family full of love, support, and encouragement. We've replaced the darkness that was rampant in our lives with the Everlasting Light.  Our lives have been transformed from arguing about Him to serving Him side by side. I can never thank Him enough.  The nightmares of divorce and drunken arguments have been replaced with the daydreams of seeing my boys accept Christ as their Savior, just like my Momma did with me.  

No, I never shall forget the day.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am Joy

                                   

Zephaniah 3:17 KJV

The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. 

Isaiah 51:3 KJV

For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody. 

Habakkuk 3:18 KJV

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

Psalms 119:68 KJV

Thou art good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes. 

What amazing promises these verses hold. The Lord My God is in the midst and He is mighty, He will save and He will rejoice over Me with joy, with love and with singing. The Lord shall comfort Me, He will come to Me in all My waste places, My lowest, dirtiest, most sinful places, and He will make My wilderness like Eden, My desert like His garden where joy and gladness and thanksgiving will be found therein.  I will rejoice in My Lord, I will joy in the God of My salvation. My Lord is good and does good and He will teach Me His statues if I open My heart and mind to Him.

There have been so many times in my life when I have felt like my joy was gone and I was left with sadness or anger or grief or jealousy or anxiety or confusion. I battle with some, maybe all, of these emotions on what seems like a daily basis at times.  I let the flesh take hold of me and I don't turn to the one place guaranteed to give me back my joy, His Word.  He gave it to us for a reason. It is a love letter written by the groom to His bride and it is meant to be cherished and kept sacred in our hearts.  

Life and it's ins and outs present us with opportunities each day. Opportunities to turn to Him and see His goodness and let His joy fill our hearts or opportunities to let our flesh and our wayward emotions take hold and rob us of our joy in Him. So often in the past I have done the latter and have found myself in misery, so anxiety ridden that I am physically ill...the cure? Jesus.  It is that simple to find your joy again and that simple to keep it. Turn to Jesus, walk with Jesus, talk with Jesus, live in His light and you'll have His joy. Charles Spurgeon said this, "His Church can never sink to so low an ebb that He cannot soon build her up again, nor in our own hearts can the work of grace ever decline' so grievously that the same mighty power which once quickened cannot revive and restore us."  We can never be so low or so sorrowful that His joy cannot revive us and restore us again. And wherever we find ourselves we have the promise that He is there to save us and comfort us, to bring us joy once again. 

In The Garden

I come to the garden alone,

While the dew is still on the roses,

And the voice I hear falling on my ear

The Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody that He gave to me

Within my heart is ringing.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

I’d stay in the garden with Him,

Though the night around me be falling,

But He bids me go; through the voice of woe

His voice to me is calling.

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am The Most High

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV 
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

Psalms 7:17 KJV 
I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high. 

Psalms 83:18 KJV 
That men may know that thou, whose name alone is JEHOVAH, art the most high over all the earth.

A knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day.  What an amazing aspiration. I want to be that woman. I want to be a knowing woman, a woman who has the heart knowledge and the head knowledge of her Jesus so that she can be like Him, not just at the break of the day but all the day long.  Kendra Michelle Dawn literally means to be a knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day. My parents must've been party to divine inspiration the day they decided on my name. I can aspire to be this woman because I know that He has a plan for me.

     " Known unto God are all His works, for known unto Him are all His thoughts (Acts 15:18) and His works agree exactly with His thoughts; He does all according to the counsel of His will. We often do not know our own thoughts, nor know our own mind, but God is never at any uncertainty within Himself. We are sometimes ready to fear that God's designs concerning us are all against us; but He knows the contrary concerning His own people, that they are thoughts of good and not of evil; even that which seems evil is designed for good. His thoughts are all working towards the expected end, which He will give in due time.  He will give them to see the end of their trouble; though it last long, it shall not last always. When things are at the worst they will begin to mend; and He will give them to see the glorious perfection of their deliverance; for, as for God, His work is perfect. He that in the beginning finished the heavens and the earth, and all the hosts of both, will finish all the blessings of both to his people. When He begins in ways of mercy He will make an end. God does nothing by halves. He will give them to see the expectation, that end which they desire and hope for, and have been long waiting for. He will give them, not the expectations of their fears, nor the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith, the end which He has promised and which will turn for the best to them." --Matthew Henry on Jeremiah 29:11

The Most High has a plan for me, an expected end, and I must have the expectation of faith to see it done.  I must sing His praises in all that I do and all that I am so that every man may know the He is The Most High.  I did something tonight that I have never done as an adult before.  I wrote about my Savior in a school assignment. I recently enrolled in an online university and I am very excited and very apprehensive at the same time.  Our goal has always been for our ministry to grow into something concrete. A physical place where those who are hurting can go to for comfort and guidance, a place where they can go to hear the Gospel given in a truthful but loving way, without casting them down.  Our long-term goal is to open a Christian counseling center in our community. To do this the Lord burdened my heart with going back to school for my Bachelor of Psychology degree with a concentration in Human Services so that I will have the knowledge I need to help people from all walks of life.  Brandon will also be, Lord willing, beginning his Theology degree in the Fall.  These are major life changes taking place in our lives and I believe they are part of our expected end.  

Tonight, as I was completing a practice assignment for my orientation course, I took an opportunity to talk about my Savior.  It was a practice assignment to walk us through submitting our future assignments in the online classroom, so I honestly don't know that it will even be seen by another person.  But that wasn't the point of it.  It was for me.  The assignment was to write a one page essay on the academic, emotional, and practical challenges and opportunities that being an online student presents. This week while going through the many tutorials and resources that the university provides new students, I quickly came to realize that I may very well be out of my academic depth and most certainly my comfort zone. The fear and the anxiety naturally began to well up inside of me.  But in writing this essay tonight, the Holy Ghost came by, and whispered His sweet peace to me.  This is the paragraph from my essay:

Second I must overcome the emotional challenge presented to me, fear and anxiety about being a new student in such a different atmosphere.  I am no longer fresh out of high school and the lessons I learned in English about correct citations in my writing as well as my grammar are no longer as sharp in my mind as they were almost ten years ago.  Knowing that I am not up to speed, that I am by most accounts, rusty, is a fearful thing. This knowledge creates a lot of anxiety that intrudes upon my goals of attaining my degree and setting an example for my sons.  For me overcoming this challenge is spiritual.  I rely first and foremost upon my Lord and Savior and it is to Him that I must turn over my fear and my anxiety.  His Word tells me in Philippians Chapter 1 Verse 6 that “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a goodwork in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” It is through Him that I will conquer my fears and anxiety and grasp the opportunities that being a new student at Walden University offers me.

The Lord Most High not only has a plan for me but He has begun a good work in me and His Word tells me that He see it through until the day He returns to take me home. What better comfort and encouragement could I ask for?  If I aspire to become a knowing woman who is like the Lord at the break of day I believe I will meet my expected end.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am Shelter, I Am Safety

Psalms 4:8 KJV

I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

Psalms 46:1 KJV

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalms 61:3 KJV

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

Psalms 62:6-8 KJV

6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.

7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Luke 15:11-32 KJV

11 And he said, A certain man had two sons:

12 And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.

13 And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

14 And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.

15 And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.

16 And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.

17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!

18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,

19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.

20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.

22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:

23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:

24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

25 Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.

26 And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.

27 And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.

28 And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.

29 And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:

30 But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.

31 And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.

32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

At 19 years old I left my parent's home to live with Brandon.  I had forsaken my Christian convictions and allowed myself to be persuaded by his parents that if Brandon and I loved one another and wanted to get married then we needed to live together first.  My parents were extremely disappointed in me but they did not keep me from leaving.  I had already broken their hearts by turning down a full Teaching Fellow's scholarship that I had worked years to attain, so that I could live at home and attend community college. Now I was leaving home and dropping out of college so that I could get a full time job to afford rent.  To say I was living riotiously is putting it mildly.  But it was not long until we were in want.  Living on our own, with very little money, was not all it was cracked up to be.  Despite what they say, you can't live on love alone, they turn your lights off when you can't pay the bill.  

I don't know how long the Prodigal Son was away from home, I don't know how long it took him to realize that he needed to go home to his father. We had to turn to my parents many times after I left home for help, it certainly didn't take us long to realize that we needed them.  And there was never an "I told you so", never a harsh word. Only loving compassion and advice.  They never once turned us away.  But it took us 7 long years to come home to the Father.  7 long years of eating, drinking and partying with the swine before we realized that there was a better life awaiting us, if we'd just come home to where we belonged.

I love the parable of the Prodigal Son because it is so much like our story.  He knew that he was not worthy to even be called his father's son any longer and he went begging forgiveness and to be given a place among the servants.  Brandon and I had made many mistakes in those 7 years we were out of the will of God and we knew we didn't deserve His forgiveness but we asked anyway.  And I believe that just like the Prodigal Son's father, our Lord saw us coming while we were yet far off, and He stood and He ran with open arms to scoop us up and kiss us. Not once did He berate us for our sin filled living, not once did He give us the punishment that we rightly deserved, not once did He cast us down.   Instead He proved yet again that He is our refuge, our shelter and our safety.

I think that we each have a Prodigal Son in our families or our Church families, either presently or in the past, or will in the future.  Can I say that we need to be in prayer for these lost sons and daughters to find their way back to the Father? And may I also say that we need to be in prayer so that we can welcome them home like the father in the parable and not the elder son?  I am so thankful and blessed to be able to say that when we found our way back to Him that there was no one who treated us unkindly, no one was hateful or begruding.  It is important for us as Christians to realize that none of us are worthy of Christ's love for us. Not those who have been faithful servants who have never strayed, not those who left and came home again, not those who are still wandering and feeding with the swine.  We were all born in sin and we must all ask forgiveness for those sins. Not a one of us is perfect and not a one of us can point fingers at another.  As much as He is our shelter and our safety, we must also be that for our fellow Christians who are walking afar off.  

Just like the Prodigal Son sought refuge with his father, so we must seek refuge from all our trials and tribulations in our heavenly Father.  He is our rock, our strong tower, our safety and shelter, and He will not turn us away. He will rejoice over us because we were once dead and are alive again.

The Prodigal Son

Like the prodigal son I wandered in darkness

And I traded my life for a world of good time

No peace in my heart I ever could find

And I got so tired feeding after the swine

So I believe I’ll go home and eat with the Father

The table is spread and they’re waiting for me

I can see the Father coming out to greet me

“Lord I’m willing to be just a servant for Thee”

Like the prodigal son I wandered from Jesus

But the Good Shepherd saw through the heat and the cold

The ninety and nine He left in the fold

Just to find this lost sheep that was hungry and cold

So I believe I’ll go home and eat with the Father

The table is spread and they’re waiting for me

I can see the Father coming out to greet me

“Lord I’m willing to be just a servant for Thee”

Who Are You Lord? : I Am Strength, I Am Power

Exodus 14:14 KJV
The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

2 Samuel 22:33 KJV
God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.

Psalms 68:35 KJV
O God, thou art terrible out of thy holy places: the God of Israel is he that giveth strength and power unto his people. Blessed be God.

Psalms 73:26 KJV
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

When I Lay My Isaac Down

Abraham prayed for the day 

God would give him a son 

Blessed Isaac was his name 

The greatest gift he’d ever known 

Then came the day, who would have dreamed 

God would say “You gotta give him back to me

And on this mountain you will prove, 

That it’s you and Isaac, or it’s me and you”

So when I lay my Isaac down 

With a broken heart but my Fathers proud 

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

Now most of us I’d dare to say 

We've got an Isaac standing in God’s way 

But it's on this altar you too can prove 

That it’s not your Isaac that God wants 

But He wants you

And when I lay my Isaac down 

With a broken heart but my Fathers proud 

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

And when I lay my Isaac down 

With a broken heart but my Fathers proud 

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

All to Jesus I surrender; 

All to Him I freely give; 

I will ever love and trust him, 

In His presence daily live. 

I surrender all, 

I surrender all, 

All to thee, my blessed Savior, 

I surrender all. 

And when I lay my Isaac down 

With a broken heart but my Fathers proud 

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

And on this altar where he lays 

Just to find it wasn’t him, God wanted me

I cannot imagine being Abraham or how he felt when God called on him to offer Isaac as a sacrifice.  The Bible says nothing about Abraham's emotions, only of his obedience.  God called and he answered, "here am I". God gave him instructions and he immediately began to pack for the journey to the mountains of Moriah.  No questions. No arguments. Just obedience. Just faith. Just strength and power from God to do what He'd asked of him.  Exodus tells us that God will fight for us, we must only hold our peace, be still, keep quiet, and let God work.  Abraham did not have the faintest idea of what God was doing when He told him to offer his only son as a burnt offering but he held his peace because he knew God was fighting for him.  And when Isaac questioned him about the missing sacrificial lamb on the way up the mountain, he simply said that God would provide.  God gives His strength and His power to His people, and Abraham surely needed it in that moment.  It took that God-given strength and power not to jerk Isaac up against him and run like mad down the mountain toward home.  That is almost assuredly what Sarah would've done had she been in Abraham's place.  It's what I'd have done, if I'd ever finished arguing with God about going in the first place.  But Abraham didn't.  They traveled on until they reached the top and then they built the alter.  Abraham bound Isaac...and Isaac let him...more obedience, more faith, more strength, more power.  Isaac could've run, he could've fought, he could've done everything in his will to try to escape his father when he realized that he was to be the sacrifice.  But he didn't. He willingly let Abraham bind him and lay him on that alter.  And as he laid there he watched Abraham raise the knife above his head.  My flesh and heart would've failed in that moment, but not Abraham's.  God's strength and power made Abraham's way perfect and just before he brought the knife down, the angel of the Lord called out to him, stopping him.  The Bible doesn't tell of it, but I can just see Abraham's knees sagging with relief, I can see him cutting the binding on Isaac's body and hugging him tight, I can see him crying out to God with thanks for sparing his son and sending the ram.

Three times was Abraham called upon in Genesis 22, by God, by Isaac, by the angel.  And each time he answered, "here am I."  How do we answer when God calls upon us? Do we answer with obedience and faith? Do we answer with strength and power? Or do we answer in fear?  I am guilty of answering in fear more often than not, that is if I'm not trying to hide from Him completely. But God may be calling on me to see if I'll lay my Isaac down, if I'm willing to surrender all to Him.  Because if I'm not, if I've got an Isaac standing in my way, then I can never reach God's full potential for me. I'll never be given the full strength and power meant for me without my faith and obedience.

Who Are You Lord? : I Am Peace

Joshua 1:9 KJV
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

1 Thessalonians 5:3 KJV
And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 9:6 KJV
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Philippians 4:7 KJV
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

We each have important dates in our lives. Our birthdays, our anniversaries, our children's birthdays, happy dates that we cherish.  Then there are the days of sorrow, dates when our loved ones have passed away, dates on which we've suffered tragedies.  I have several such dates in my life.  Dates that mark important, life altering events in my life.  And I have a date of peace.  A date when the Lord whispered His sweet peace to my soul, April 17, 2013.  It is no coincidence that April 17th also holds another significant place in my heart.

Every December 1st and April 17th I take flowers to my Lachlan's graveside. I take the flowers and I sit alone by the angel statue my Daddy placed there and I weep. I weep for the memories that I'll never have, I weep for the kisses I'll never place on his skinned knees, I weep for the empty arms that will never hold him again.  And I pray.  I pray that he knows that I would have loved him with every fiber of my being, no matter the disabilities he might have been born with. I pray that he knows that I have not forgotten him, that I see him in my heart running and playing and laughing with his brothers.  And I pray that God heal my heart, that He forgive me my anger and my bitterness, and that he give me the peace that my soul desperately needs. 

But what I didn't know, couldn't or perhaps wouldn't feel, was that each time I went to his graveside, my Lord was there with me to give me the strength and the courage I needed if I had only opened my heart to accept it.  But for too long after I lost Lachlan, I shut Him out.  I was buried too deep in my anger, sorrow, suffering and fear.  And when Kieran was born and my arms were empty no longer and my heart had begun to feel life once again, I was a little less angry, a little less sorrowful, a little less fearful. But the suffering remained.  I didn't have the peace I needed to end my suffering, to end the guilt and the grieving in my soul.  And again when Devlin was born, my arms and my heart were fuller, the anger and the sorrow dissipating.  But again the suffering remained.

We had been back in church for almost 4 months when Devlin was born.  And I had felt more life and more joy in those 4 months than I had in years.  My Lord was slowly but surely breaking down my barriers.  Several times in the next year I found myself in the alter, crying out to God for forgiveness for the years spent living out of His will and for the anger and resentment that had built against Him in my heart.  But there was one thing I hadn't learned: You will never truly find peace if you remain attached to the sin you've been forgiven of.  I kept going back to that alter because I was still attached to what He'd forgiven me of before I had even uttered the words to ask.  I was still attached to the guilt and grief of losing Lachlan, I was still attached to my anger at God because I still did not understand why He had taken my baby from me. And because I was still attached to those I could not find the peace I needed. The peace He wanted to give me.

The Prince of Peace desires to give me the Peace of God so that I can be made whole and preserved blameless until He comes for me.  He desires to keep my heart and my mind, my body and my soul, peaceful so that I can be of service to Him.  If I am wallowing in pity, in anger, sorrow, and doubt, how can I be of service to Him?  I can't because I can't even be a service to myself.

Finally, on April 17th, 2013, I was given peace.  I did something differently that day when I took the flowers to Lachlan's graveside.  I cleaned the angel statue, I arranged the flowers, and I sat down with my Bible in my lap with my face turned toward the sun and I asked the Lord one final time to forgive me and to give me the peace I needed. And I let go.  I didn't need to understand anymore why He had taken Lachlan from me, I needed only to know that he was with my Lord, in a perfect body, with a perfect mind, perfect sight, and perfect hearing. I needed only to know that he was walking the streets of gold with his Father.  I needed only to know that one day he would call me Momma.  And it was in that moment that it washed over me, His sweet peace, and it filled my soul to overflowing. It was in that moment that I finally understood.  He had given me Lachlan so that I would know what love was, so that I would understand a little of what it felt like to lose my only son.  He had given me Lachlan so that I could love Kieran and Devlin with a Christ-filled heart, so that I would protect them, so that I would lead them to Him so that my family could one day be made whole again.  When He gave me Lachlan, He gave me love, and now He has given me peace.

Peace In The Valley

Oh well, I'm tired and so weary

But I must go alone

Till the lord comes and calls, calls me away, oh yes

Well the morning's so bright

And the lamp is alight

And the night, night is as black as the sea, oh yes

There will be peace in the valley for me, some day

There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray

There'll be no sadness, no sorrow

No trouble, trouble I see

There will be peace in the valley for me, for me

Well the bear will be gentle

And the wolves will be tame

And the lion shall lay down by the lamb, oh yes

And the beasts from the wild

Shall be lit by a child

And I'll be changed, changed from this creature that I am, oh yes

There will be peace in the valley for me, some day

There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray

There'll be no sadness, no sorrow

No trouble, trouble I see

There will be peace in the valley for me, for me